A quickly-written blog

I've been putting this off for a while, mostly cause I've been trying to decide how much to share with the blogverse here. I still don't have a good idea, but it's friday, so I guess this is due and it's time to turn it in.

You're supposed to talk about yourself in blogs, and I havn't really done that yet, so here's some background. In psych 101 I took a test to determine where I stand among 5 universal traits of people. Most of my scores were average, but I got a 13/15 in agreeableness, which means a few things. It says "high scorers tend to be honest and good natured, sympathetic and forgiving" but that extremely high scores mean you're "easily taken advantage of and overly self-critical". I find that in most people, depression is caused by people avoiding looking at what they are and what they do have and instead focusing on what qualities, abilities, or achievements they lack. It's no exception with me, I know I'm nice and I know that my friends like that, but at the same time nice isn't that exciting or dynamic. But this isn't just me talking about my problems, self-acceptance is something that everyone can relate to.

"The better you can explain who you serve, the more purpose you will have in life."
This is a quote that one of ace's blogs centered around, and it made me think for a while. It's strange how often we/I serve other people, in the sense of giving my attention or my thoughts. Makes me wonder how often I don't think about myself, how maybe there should be some time put in to be opinionated in order to stay sane.

Now the year is ending, I remember when Seamus visited up here, we went to a friends party and had a talk. He's a year younger than me but I've known him since elementary school, so it's been weird not seeing him except in weekend visits for the year. I usually find it uncomfortable when I blog/write about personal stuff and share it with people, but maybe there's a point to all this. Anyway, we talked about the year, and he told me that I shouldn't be depressed of how I still havn't dated anyone because of how well him and my friends understand me and how they believe in me. That almost sounds cheesy and we were both drunk and a little more, but it puts the "serving" relationship in a different light. Maybe it’s not serving other people if I just realize that I can do anything I want to and that will still be originally me.

As for the purpose part, I'm not exactly sure I believe in purpose, I certainly try to be the person who will understand and add to what people talk to me about, but that's just cause I think it's the right thing to do. But as far as my life goals or overall purpose, I just kind of want to go with the flow, end up somewhere I'll enjoy myself. Maybe keep writing if I end up really enjoying it. But there's no set boundary or state of being that I am truly wishing for right now (not that I don't want something out of life but maybe that will come to me).

I don't have a final point or conclusion, just that this is the scattered thoughts I've been having. I can at least take comfort in that despite all my talk about dependancy on other people, I don't listen/talk to people just to be accepted, they have to be genuinly interesting people in order for me to give an effort. That's why I've enjoyed parasites so much, it's hard not to try when there's lots of cool people, especially with plurk.

At your service
-Sam